And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I need to calm my uterus...
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
