Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Randomize
