dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
