I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
should my penis look like a turkey
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
