I wish my penis had an off switch
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The power of my boobs compel you
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
