it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
