How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
