i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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