Define "chronic" masturbator.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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