i think i scared a bird with my dick
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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