I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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