im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
if i can run in heels then i can drive
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
