yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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