420 ftw
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
