Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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