I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You had me at "let me see your balls"
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
