I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
