My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
