My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My vagina is officially offended.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
