he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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