Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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