i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
