I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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