Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
