no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize