i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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