BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
