I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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