i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
