my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
