im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
