i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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