You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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