Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
