oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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