WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
