i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
