The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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