Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
When are your genitals available?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
