Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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