I bet he comes in French.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
