If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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