just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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