But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
