either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
My vagina just recognized that song.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
