k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Is this like a preordered booty call?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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