hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
