I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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