I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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