sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
