I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize