I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
