Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize