when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Two words: blizzard sex
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
