I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
