You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I use my feet as sexual weapons
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
