Just fell off a train. Bad.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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