The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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