just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
