You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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