we have pet lesbian snakes
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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