she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
