My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
