someone threw a dead crab at me
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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