hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize