Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
