Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
