I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
